


I Swallow The Sound And It Swallows Me Whole

by agirlnamedtruth



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s05e06 The Dark Tower, F/F, Psychological Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-16
Updated: 2013-03-16
Packaged: 2017-12-05 10:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/722131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlnamedtruth/pseuds/agirlnamedtruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For a while the screams become gentle laughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Swallow The Sound And It Swallows Me Whole

**Author's Note:**

> Set during 5x06 The Dark Tower.
> 
> Written for the prompts 'short story' for [Writerverse](http://writerverse.livejournal.com/), 'sound' for [dailyfics](http://dailyfics.livejournal.com/), ' sound' for [100_women](http://100-women.livejournal.com/), 'broken' for [fanfic50](http://fanfic50.livejournal.com/), 'broken' for [lover100](http://lover100.livejournal.com/) and 'ghost' for [52_challenge](http://52-challenge.livejournal.com/).

Gwen put her hands over her ears, closing her eyes against the sound. Morgana was laughing at her now, she could hear it ringing inside her head like bells. But it wasn’t the harsh, bitter laugh of the harsh, bitter woman she’d become. It was the laugh that came with a beautiful smile and a gentle touch. The laugh of the woman Morgana had once been.

She turned her head and opened her eyes, seeing a vision of the Morgana she used to know. That was how the tower got you, she’d worked out, it made you see things you wanted to see. She’d seen Arthur and Merlin and Elyan and now... Morgana as she once was, sweet and smiling. She had just a gentle curl to her hair where Gwen would brush out the tangles every morning and every night, not the mess it was now. Her skin was still white and her eyes were still green but both held a warmth that they had lost somewhere along the way.

“You’re not real, you’re not Morgana, you’re dead,” Gwen told the apparition, meaning her strong words. This Morgana was dead, eaten away by hate and darkness until she was just a shell.

“I’m still here, Gwen, somewhere inside,” the ghost of the old Morgana said, a smile on her lips that wasn’t twisted and deceptive. It was just a smile.

“No, you’re gone, there’s no hope for you anymore,” Gwen put her hands on the floor, lowering herself down until she was led on the stone. That way she could pretend it was all a dream, a nightmare.

“There’s always hope,” Morgana’s voice whispered, leaning down close to her head. “As long as I have you, there is always hope for me.”

Gwen closed her eyes, forcing herself not to listen.

“You always knew me, better than I knew myself,” Morgana continued. “And you know I’ll always love you.”

Gwen shook her head; she didn’t know anything anymore, not for sure. When it came to Morgana, she knew even less for certain.

The vision of Morgana reached out a hand to Gwen’s cheek, stopping just short of touching, like it had almost forgotten it wasn’t real. 

On the other side of the locked door, Morgana was stood with her back pressed against it, her eyes closed and her hand reaching out. It would have been no effort at all to enter the room and talk to Gwen for real but she still felt the sting of Gwen’s last rejection too sharply. And before that she had accidentally shown her weakness, Gwen had just brought out that last spark of vulnerability in her and it had just made her feel worse, she couldn’t risk that again. 

But she still felt the need to comfort her, the need to lessen the pain she was putting her through. She needed Gwen to give in and forgive her and then they could start again. She had shown Gwen every kindness she could allow her and yet, Gwen couldn’t see that kindness for what it was. 

Morgana couldn’t deny it, the bond between had been broken. She longed for them to be how they once were. She wanted it enough to bear the weight of this torture if it would fix them. Fix her.

“Can you fix me, Guinevere? Can you love me again?”

Gwen opened her eyes just as the apparition pulled its hand back and dissolved into mist.

The gentle laughter started up again and oddly, she found it harder to listen to than the screams.


End file.
